LOVE IS SWEETER THE SECOND TIME AROUND
As the saying goes"LOVE IS SWEETER THE SECOND TIME AROUND" I can honestly say and prove to you guys that its totally true. Why? It is for the fact that i do experienced the kind of hardships that i am going through when all of a sudden I felt something deep inside in me that i wanted her back. I know you would say to me and call me such being stupid cause why does it happen and for all the the times that had passed by why is it that it is only now that i felt this which is somehow I would say there is no reasons to take seems to be much unpredictable. As far as I am concerned with, me either doesn’t have such any explanation nor anything that I can be able to truly reason out why am I having this experiences that I have never felt before. I would just say and tell myself that maybe it is just something to be called TRUE LOVE. To be much honest with myself, I haven’t experienced this kind of situation, till this past few days I was into such major trouble. Having sleepless nights, pain in my head, much more even pain in the heart to the extent that I can hardly take a breath. I felt being so down that i carry all the problems in this world which somehow it is something just to do with my personal life. Meaning all of the opportunities that i have to enjoy living in this world makes me think that I just wish I had never been born to this kind of life. I mean at that time I was totally depressed to the extend that all of the people and my friends that who is so close to me and so supportive in me seems taken me for granted cause at that time they knew that when I am a bit lonely and a bit into such realization I will get mad if they make teased on the kind of relationship that I had and the kind of girl that I am wanting back after all that I did. Which is somehow I do dump her and now wanting her back…..so ironic isn’t it? Maybe or perhaps you would ask me and tell me why does it happened? Why did I dump her? For what purpose that I dump her? I know for those questions that you are asking me there’s a total explanation on it. And i guess I have to answer it for you to know and for you to be able to learn a lesson out of what I did that seemingly it isn’t good enough that you would dump a girl especially the one that you love most cause it is just only then that you can realize that you truly love that person when he or she is away in you. So, that’s it….better think it over before you have to conclude such break up. Now, going back to the kind of feeling that I have for her is totally at that time we are doing great. For just 3 months of being lovers we are doing great until all of a sudden I break up with her. Why? What s the reasons behind? Well, at that time that we are lovers yeah we are okay and doing great but what makes it complicated is because of the time that somehow I was been pressured in which she is so demanding to me to the extent that I have to be there not taking any such considerations that I had explain to her. Much more even I was preoccupied - occupied with the things that I was been busy with especially the kind of work that I have which is my small business of retailing and wholesaling sort of a general merchandise store. I was too in demand with my parents to do such help especially at that time that in the establishment that we had lots of things to be carried from one place to the other cause of the customers buying some goods that has to be delivered by me cause at that time we don’t have sales boy. From one establishment to the other I am the one in charge of the delivery, packing the goods that the customers bought from us, then after, that I have to go to the other Establishment which is my own which the same procedure, the same thing that I have to do until I was not in good mood cause of the reason that thinking I am still young and somehow to enjoy the kind of life being a teenager. Many of my friends who are my playmates in tennis and badminton and my gym buddy in work out encourages me to have some fun and time for myself as well as they wanted me to be with them too but I just said to them that good for you that you are enjoying your life being as a cool teenager or somehow being a good adult might as well as I can describe them, cause in my part I have lots of things to do which, most especially the debt that my supplier gave me some stocks to be sold that it is only good for a month then after that i had to pay to them in cash the stock that is been sold or not which is according to our agreement before getting and been delivered to the establishment that I have. So it is a kind of pressure in me, really it is, cause I have to make some sales talks in order for the customer that I can encourage that they can buy it cause of the quality and the quantity of the product that I am selling to them specially that it has to be taken directly after being cooked. From a long weekend of working and striving hard of greater sales, Sunday comes which is the time that I can totally spend with my girlfriend(actually my X-girlfriend by now). Before the time that we agreed upon and the place where we can meet we do already had this agreement on the day before but what makes me feel irritated is that she keeps on texting me which somehow in one way or the other I have this kind of feeling that she doesn’t trust me as to the agreement that we had. So, never the less much after upon our meeting still she confronted me why is it that I haven’t replied to her messages, why is that I am too late to be there, and why is it that I wore such polo shirts that somehow seems not good to look at or why is it that I haven’t take my lunch or snacks. To be totally honest with myself, I am the kind of person in which I don’t like repetitions to the extend that it would irritate me. Repetitions in me would be okay 3 times only but beyond that then I think there is something behind on it. Another thing is that, when I met someone or just make a nod or a smile to a certain girl, there are so many questions that she would ask as to who,what and why that girl is smiling at me which somehow having doubts to the relationship that we had. She is so demanding on me in the sense that she wants me to be there 24/7 a day. So, seems that you do know the whole story in me which i relate in you as to the question why i dump her I think you got the answer of it.
As time passes by, years to come suddenly i was been stabbed by a knife in my heart which it suck into the deepest part of it that somehow it creates and make a scar and it leaves a saying I want her back again but that I can’t tell why I am having this kind of feeling of wanting her back again? Perhaps, it would be much greater if I should had given this before and besides it is an enormous feeling that had happened if I just did it right before. So much waste in me that I did it. I was so being so rude and so stubborn and much more being ridiculous ashole jerky bitch. I was in deep shit to this kind of feeling that I couldn’t imagine that this had happened to me. I mean I don’t really expect of this thing called KARMA. Indeed, totally it happened to me and believe me or not I was in tearful eye thinking that I had to end my life but thanks to all my friends that somehow care for me especially my good best friend MR. Jesse seems advices me that its not the end of the world. There are still many girls out there waiting or somehow trying to help you out but you know what, my answer to this was there are maybe many fishes out there in the sea but my lover is my sea. So, at that point in time my best friend calm down in me and tap my back saying its okay. Time would just tell if you are really meant for each other. Until I remembered something out that the grand essentials of happiness are something to do, something to love and something to hope for. I know for a fact also that in the midst of my loneliness and despair in life still I manage to be happy for happiness is not a destination but it is a method of life. I think I cannot question love when it has its own reasons for love will always be as it always has been silent,mysterious and deeply profound and I believe that love is forever. That love never dies only to be disillusioned in the end when I shall find my hands empty and my hearts longing. But I know that love is only a gift given to me and as for that I should not hold it in my hands for I may never find the strength to let it go when it decides to leave. I should only embrace it warmth and glow while it last and then freely open my arms when its time to say GOODBYE. I believe that when I fall in love with someone, I don’t want that feeling to end, for it is everything I am and everything i wanted to be and as for that I pray that love will stay and grow in my heart. But if it doesn’t , then I should not be taken by it for life not end my heartaches begin. And I think there’s always a reason then that I have to move on. I know its hard for me then to say goodbye to the feelings that I have for her but still I don’t want to wave my hand for heavy heart for love will set its wings free and find a place where it belongs. I may lost it but again when I close my eyes and listened to the echoes of my heart, I will hear that feeling resounding silently forever. Then I’ll know that it has never left me for the good that it had become because of love that will always stay. It will always be there reminding me that i should be thankful and happy not because I have lost love…lost my X-girlfriend but because for once in my life that feeling live in my heart and make me happy.
